Olive Garden Doesn't Suck

Generally speaking, I wouldn't dare consider myself an elitist gourmand, but I do know good food when I eat it. Still, my restaurant choices leave some scratching their heads in rancor. In fact, I've been roundly criticised by European friends, who are naturally at the pinnacle of good taste, being that they're Eurotrash and all, for my stalwart defence of  some chain eateries. Yes, they know the hippest places to get a drunk on (Ludlow Street) and the best places to eat. Like Nine in Hoboken. And Outback.

Outback? Wha? These Euro-dudes and dudettes absolutely SWEAR by Outback. (Ja! Der Bloomin' Onion ist der schitt!) Oh, I'm sorry. Are you an Outback fan? Friended them on Facebook, have you? If so, I'm sorry. Outback, in the humblest possible mode of my typically know-it-all opinion, is pedestrian at best and barely edible at worst. I believe that these foreign folks love Outback because it epitomizes an American's middle-class view of what a "good" restaurant should offer - 'choice' this and 'prime' that with lots of fat and portions bigger than your face. Dipped in oil. Lathered with butter. Accompanied by limp vegetables that are there, let's face it, only for decoration. Gross, and pretty typical for an American chain joint. G'day, my butt. Er.

In the face of these misguided jibes, I counter with Olive Garden, to peals of laughter and derision. In turn, I wave them off because (bullet list follows:)

• Fresh food, properly cooked, quality ingredients
• Rotating menu, innovative and varied dishes
• Northern Italian-style cuisine - a refreshing change from typical parmesan-ed-to-death dishes
• Reasonable pricing
• Substantial portions
• Fresh salad, excellent soups, either of which is included with entrees
• Pleasant, almost-classic wait service that isn't condescending or coated with buddy-artifice

In fact, I snubbed a local high-brow joint (with entrees starting at the thirty-buck mark and freakin' brushetta at $12 per) for a repeat visit to the Olive Garden closest to me. Seemed like a great idea at the time.

Perhaps Saturday nights are not the time to visit the OG. There was a massively long wait, no room whatsoever at the bar, a long wait for drink service and starters at the table, no (super-tasty) bread sticks until the ever-forgetful waiter came by to offer "more" bread sticks, which made everyone at the table laugh, over-cooked and over-wrought everything, (even the breadsticks that finally arrived an hour into the meal, no re-up offers on the drinks, which cost the waiter 10% of what would have been a fifty-buck bar bill and, get this, no water. What the heck?

Have I had the good fortune of hitting Olive Gardens in six states on just the right day and time, at the exact moment when the moons of dining service and quality aligned? I hope not, because that would be even more disappointing than dinner last night. And that would also make my Euro-buds right on the money and we can't have that, can we?