Okay, so maybe the use of "murdering" and "houseplants" together in
the title for this article will instantly skew your opinion that I'm
some kind of crystal-gazing plant whisperer. Sorry about that. What I am
writing about is how to keep your leafy friends from turning brown and
crinkly with a minimum amount of fuss, so, here goes:
Choose Plants That Are Right For You And Your Home
It's very tempting to buy a gigantic banana plant while cruising to the check-out at Ikea.
They're
usually ridiculously cheap and mature in appearance - the perfect focal
point for your living room, right? Not so fast: those plants were grown
by a professional grower with all of the right soil amendments, perfect
light and ventilation and precise humidity, all of which is unlikely to
exist in your living room. Most home-store plant houseplant offerings
are tropical in origin and this is because they don't have to be toler
Big
plants need space so that they're not constantly being brushed or
crushed as you squeeze by with four bags of groceries on the way to the
kitchen, for instance. Little kids and pets can certainly knock the poor
plant over, dislodging it from the soil and damaging carefully-grown
roots. Most ficus, like "rubber" plants are trees and need lots of light
not only to do well, but to thrive. And once they start thriving,
better watch out as, again, they're trees, for gosh sake, and they will
do their best to puncture your ceiling, which, of course, they can't do,
but I think you get the point. Plants that are doing well will keep
growing, so, they not only need to fit into your space now, but they
need room to branch out, so to speak.
Speaking of light, do you
have a sunny window available? No? Then you can just get some of those
low-light plants, right? Well, low light outdoors, where these plants
come from, is very different from low light inside. What low light means
to someone who wants reasonable success in not anihilating a plant is
bright-but-indirect sunlight, preferably morning sun. Low-light plants
survive in the wild by growing in the shade of larger trees. They tend
to be less decidious, that is, without hard bark or stiff leaves and
strong sunlight will fry them right quick.
Humidity and the
availability of water is also a factor. Summer can be hot and humid
outside, but inside, it's typically air-conditioned, with much of the
natural moisture in the air removed. Heated air in winter is even dryer.
Large plants need a larger volume of water, so carrying a large
watering can across precious rugs or hardwood floors is a recipe for
trouble and needs to be factored into your plant-buying decision. After
all, if it's a hassle to water the darn thing, it'll only wind up at the
curb in a couple of months after dying a tortured death at your hands,
or rather, the lack of them.
Orchids are a great example of a
plant that doesn't belong in most people's homes. They're being marketed
in just about every home store and they can be notoriously difficult to
keep because they normally live a very picky existence in a rain
forest. Rooted in another tree. Where there are exacting and super-moist
conditions all year 'round. Unlike your house. To successfully keep an
orchid, one must be prepared to mist the plant at least twice daily, or
often enough that the plant stays moist more or less all the time. Also,
the roots must be watered directly and fed slowly and constantly.
Orchids used to be a favored hobby of urban-dwelling bachelor uncles,
owing to the fact that they didn't have much else to do. But, if you're
committed, they are gorgeous - the plants, that is. If not, you've just
bought yourself another curb candidate.
So, instead of telling you
what not to buy, why not just say what you should buy? Well, if you're
new to houseplants, start not small, not large, but medium. There are
many medium-sized tropical varieties that will do very well in average
conditions found in the typical home. Starting with a medium size of a
particular variety increases the chances of success because it's already
established and natural selection has allowed it to survive thus far.
Hard-skinned succulents, like the "Jade" plant, are relatively
slow-growing and tolerate some over- and under-watering. Shiny-leafed
plants are more sturdy and resilient to a range of dry and wet. both in
watering and in humidity, like the rubber tree (ficus elastica.) Yes, I
know I said rubber trees would wind up being gigantic, but they can be
encouraged to be bushy and are often available potted this way, with
multiple plants in a ten- or twelve-inch pot. If there is very strong
light available, a cactus can be your best friend. They can tolerate a
broad range of temperatures in the winter, just like out in the desert,
as long as there isn't a cold draft, and if you're lucky enough to have
the right light conditions, they will bloom beautifully.
Too Much Of A Good Thing Is Bad
So,
maybe you've had houseplants come and go and can't quite figure out why
it is that your friend seems to have a green thumb and yours is most
decidedly brown. Easy - your friend is using her thumb (or index finger
or big toe) to check the plant's moisture level - probably every day or
every other day. Unfortunately, it's not a best practice to simply water
twice a week, as plants are unable to read clocks or calendars. All
plants need water when they're drying out, but waiting until they're
absolutely bone-dry, except for cactii, will dry out the fine root-hairs
that carry water and nutrients from the soil into the plant and that
will be that. Some plants, like poinsettia and many palms, need to be
moist always, but not wet. Other plants, like the rubber tree mentioned
earlier, need to have the top inch dry before watering. Sticking a
finger in the soil will be a better indication of whether a plant needs
to be watered than any kind of electronic gadget, and cheaper, too. In
short, water on the plant's schedule.
Feed The Need
Unlike
pets, plants don't need lots of food to survive. But they do use
nutrients from the soil that help with photosynthesis, that is, the use
of light by the plant to create food for itself and those nutrients need
to be replenished regularly. The easiest way to feed a houseplant is
with spike-shaped plant food that gets jammed into the soil and slowly
dissolves with each watering. This is easier that mixing plant food in
the watering pot and certainly easier than remembering to feed the plant
every other watering or once a month or at whatever interval is right
for that particular species. Did I add food last week? Hmm . . . On the
other hand, powdered or liquid plant food added to the regular watering
is a more diffuse and somewhat more direct way of getting food to the
plant. The already-dissolved food (unlike the plant spike that has first
to dissolve and then hopefully migrate to the root) will be taken up
with the water. Don't overdo it - too much food won't simply make the
plant Hulk-sized: it will burn the roots and probably kill the plant.
If
you want to try the spikes, I would recommend Jobe's, which are
available everywhere and are inexpensive. Far less expensive is powdered
plant food, like Miracle Gro, will go a very long way and is suitable
for most house plants.
Groom For Improvement
Plants
are the neatest non-human roommates you will ever have, but they can't
clean, or clean up after, themselves. From time to time, leaves will
wither and die. Such leaves are unattractive if left on the plant, so
trim them off close to the stem with a sharp scissor. Leaves that fall
into the pot should be removed right away so that they don't have a
chance to rot and encourage mold growth on the soil. Speaking of the
soil surface, it's a good idea to set aside a dinner fork to gently rake
the top 3-6mm (1/16-1/8") of the soil and to also aerate the soil by
poking about 12mm (about a half-inch) into the soil in several places
around the plant. This help with drainage, air circulation and keeps the
soil from becoming too compacted so that the water and nutrients travel
to the plant rather than drain off to the sides of the pot.
It's
also a very good idea to give your plants a gentle shower at regular
intervals. This keeps dust and grime from accumulating and choking the
plant's leaf pores. The entire plant can be put in a sink or shower and
gently(!) rinsed with room-temperature water.
The Quick And The Dead
When
bringing home a new plant, it's super-important to isolate it from
other plants and from curtains and wall fabrics for at least a month
before allowing it into the fold. Nursery-grown plants are subject to
all kinds of plant diseases, like fungus and pests and it's better to
have to treat or destroy a single plant than all of your plants.
In decades of growing houseplants, I've had a few plants come in with
scale or mealybugs or spider mites and only once was I able to
successfully treat the plant, a plant which lives in my living room
today. I credit quarantine with staving off disaster for the balance of
my buds (get it? plants? buddys? buds? okay - forget it.)
Nevertheless,
pests can turn up and it's not impossible to deal with them, but it can
be a giant hassle. Spider mites can be treated by quarantining the
affected plant, de-potting it, wrapping the roots in tin foil or a
plastic bag and then dipping or swishing the entire plant in a tub
filled with room-temperature water with mild dishwashing soap, usually
several times until the pests are gone, repotting in fresh, sterile soil
and then, hoping for the best.
Avoidance is the best
practice. Never use a Swiffer or feather duster to clean the leave of
your plants - it's far too easy to transfer insects or fungus between
plants this way. Check your plants for anything that shouldn't be there
each time you water, both on the top of the leaf and on the underside
and on the stems, especially where the stem joins the main part of the
plants. Take note of mottled leaves or leaves with trails or holes in
them. Using a magnifier can be helpful in seeing very small pests.
There
are pesticides to use as a last resort, but they can be very hard to
apply indoors and they are bad for pets and people. Your best bet will
likely be to destroy the affected plant and to keep a weather eye on
those that remain.
So, choose the right plant, water it
appropriately, don't let it starve, keep it spic n' span and don't let
it get bugged and you'll have a lovely set of room-softening,
light-filtering natural randomness to enjoy while guests marvel at the
green-ness of your hitching digit.
